Communicate With Confidence!®: Booher Banter

The Power of Summary

Summarize Seriously. Doesn’t quite have the ring of the romantic movie Love Actually, does it? But that shouldn’t tempt you to trivialize the issue that surfaced yesterday in a roomful of investors willing to plunk down anywhere from $5-100 million on some entrepreneurial business that interested them.

“Remember the 10-minute time limit for each presenting company,” the moderator of the event explained to the group of 22 hopeful CEOs prepared to win his or her share of the available funds. "We’ve hosted this event for several years. And the feedback from these investors seated around you is that they make up their minds in the first 3-4 minutes whether they’re interested or not. So the ten minutes we’ve allotted to tell your story is quite adequate.”

He paused to let the point sink in. There as a corporate advisor to my client, I nodded my “I told you so” to the team. Roger that. They were locked and loaded, ready for launch.

Evidently, many others were not.

Executive after executive of these small businesses stepped to the microphone and stumbled and stuttered their way through 4-6 minutes of their allotted ten before being able to clearly state what it is their company does. Many tried to start with how they got into the business. Some started by introducing their management team (important, of course, for a group of investors—but not for 3 minutes!). Some rambled on about how they came up with their logo, packaging design, recipe, or facilities. Several talked about differentiation. A few talked about how they’d tested their product—clinical data and analysis.

Only a handful—make that a newborn’s fist—summarized upfront ALL the key elements about their business that a group of investors would want to know.

Yet, I bet if you asked any one of these busy executives back on the job how important the ability to summarize is, they’d launch into a sermon about some pet peeve such as these:

long disorganized voice mails their employees or prospects leave for them

meetings where someone can’t articulate a clear idea succinctly

emails that include far too much detail

reports that read like a novel rather than a status/project update

So to develop the ability to summarize massive amounts of information well, seek out some good models. For starters, I suggest The Wall Street Journal’s “What’s News?” column.

(Readers, if you have other suggestions for great summarizers out there, please feel free to share them here.)

Communication: Intentional Improvement?

Have you ever lain awake at night—almost all night—and replayed a conversation in your head over and over and over and over? For a long while, I thought I was the only one who did that. Then I heard other women admit they did it, too. Then yesterday I heard a male doctor friend of mine admit the habit to a group of colleagues.

You hear the entire exchange in instant replay—but not exactly. Your part of the dialogue changes.  You redraft your responses. They get better, wiser, funnier, more cavalier, spontaneous, more patient, firmer, less aggressive, more resigned. Finally, they’re tuned to perfection. Then you ache for the opportunity to redo the dialogue in real life.

Most of the time that second chance never comes around—at least, not in exactly the same circumstance with the same person. But that doesn’t mean the all-nighter wasn’t worth the thought. Why?

The basic business act of 2008 is communicating. Search on the single word communication and Google will turn up 320,000,000 results. In the workplace alone, your success at almost any endeavor correlates to your ability to communicate well, so you—and I—need all the practice we can get.

In leafing through the March issue of Communication Briefings: Ideas That Work, a publication devoted to workplace communication, for example, we learn to

survive a “pile it on” boss and leave the office with a focused list of priorities

improve relationships while negotiating

give “full-circle” feedback

deliver more persuasive presentations

show more empathetic responses as we listen

avoid bull-dozer tendencies when leading

end a customer or client conversation

lead a team to listen to each other more effectively

keep better meeting notes

create more engaging copy for a website

make better use of time on the phone

neutralize win-lose discussions without breaking relationships

criticize to some effect

persuade others to change their behavior

polish a professional image

receive honest feedback

introduce change and make it palatable

deliver bad news with hope that bolsters morale

Communication—all of it. Unless you climb poles to repair power lines or toss pizza all day, it’s difficult to think of doing many jobs that don’t require core communication skills. Communicate well and you can master a job, influence a team, persuade a boss, win a client, build a business, create wealth, serve humankind, and move from success to significance.

Communicate poorly and your life fills with stress and unresolved problems just as surely as if you tried to patch a flat tire with bubble gum.

Make improvement intentional. With every conversation, every meeting, every presentation, analyze and evaluate: Ask yourself: What went wrong? What went well? Why? What could or should I have said differently? What is the communication lesson learned?

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The Power of Self-Effacing Comments in a Self-Promotion Culture

Those of you who read my blog regularly know that I try to stay clear of politics in these posts—except as candidates or issues themselves illustrate communication issues. Here’s one of a handful posted in the last year that meet that criteria—above the fray, illustrative, inspiring.

While watching an interview with presidential candidate John McCain last week, I was struck with the power of self-effacing comments to 1) make someone likeable 2) stem the tide of opposition 3) have “underdog” appeal and 4) engender trust in someone’s integrity.

The talk-show host commented to Senator McCain, “In the Vietnam war, you were a real hero. I didn’t learn until recently that the VietCong offered to release you to come home because you were the son of the Admiral but that you refused because your comrades wouldn’t be released as well. Is that true?”

McCain brushed aside the comment, obviously meant as a compliment to his character, with a nod and a little humor. “Unfortunately, I didn’t know the war would last a few more years at that point.”

Later the interviewer commented on his physical pain in having both his arms broken and the lack of medical attention for his other injuries, saying he himself [the interviewer] could not have endured such suffering. McCain’s response: “Sure you could. Anybody would do the same thing in the same situation. You love America. Many have given sacrifices far greater than I.”

When asked about the little known fact of his two sons serving in Iraq and his sacrifice and commitment to America as a parent, McCain responded, “I’d prefer not to discuss my sons and have always tried to leave my sons out of it.”

When baited with the subject of Pastor Jeremiah Wright’s comments and the link to Barack Obama, the interviewer gave him every opening to cast doubt on the character, values, and judgment of his opponent in the presidential race and tout his own better judgment. Instead, McCain replied, “You can’t blame others for comments made by supporters who endorse them. Just because they agree with you doesn’t mean you agree with them. I know Obama personally and believe he’s a loyal American.”

Politics is not the only playground for promotion. Everyday we encounter websites, radio and TV ads, résumés, sales pitches, and project plans that scream…

....the leading provider of X....

....the world’s number one Y....

....the only one on the market that....

....the first and only....

....has given more to charity than....

....one of the world’s foremost authorities....

....the city’s most prominent philanthropist....

In a world where everyone is blowing their own horn, it’s occasionally refreshing to hear modesty about accomplishments, sacrifice, charity, and even goodwill for opponents. Am I alone out there in thinking the world could use a little more humility?

The Need for Feedback

There's one quick lesson we can all learn from the politicians promising us the moon every night from our TV screens:  their constant diet of feedback.  How would you like to end every speech and every day with a team full of colleagues and handlers telling you what you did wrong that day, what the people in Des Moines didn't like, what the fall-out will be if you say or do X tomorrow, to whom you should apologize about what?

Doesn't sound like fun?  Well, hold on a moment.  Maybe they're on to something with their pollsters and pundits gathered around the podium every evening.

As a busy professional constantly balancing schedules, deadlines, and priorities, you might be overlooking an often-neglected resource in your own workplace that could make the difference between success and failure.

The resource is feedback—and it's a business tool worth its weight in gold if mined consistently and effectively.  Those who want to stay ahead in this ever-changing information age not only see constant and comprehensive feedback as a luxury but a necessity.

Take the initiative.
Most people mistakenly assume that feedback will automatically appear on their desk, in their e-mail, or in person.  While they sit on their hands waiting and wondering, more insightful and opportunistic professionals know that most feedback has to be extracted, digested, and analyzed.

Don’t leave the responsibility to others.  This is your job, so take the initiative.

Ask the Right People the Right Questions.
Many times it’s not that we don’t ask for feedback, it’s that we ask the wrong person or the wrong question—and we end up with gossip or guesswork.

We ask associates for information only supervisors would know, clients about things only associates would know, and supervisors for data only clients would know.  To get the right response, you have to ask the right person.

The more focused your requests, the more precise and comprehensive responses will be.

As with Medicine, Apply Liberally to the Affected Area.
After you solicit and understand specific feedback, evaluate it in light of your personal goals and methods.

Is it an accurate assessment or a subjective opinion?  Is the person in a position to know what he or she is talking about?  Is a change in your style or method worth the effort?  Will this change contribute to your long-term personal or professional growth?

Granted, not all feedback is created equal.  But don’t just stand there, do something.  Evaluate.  Reconsider.  Modify.  Reaffirm.  But do something!  Don't leave all the promises and payoff to the winning politician.

Stellar Small Talk

What intriguing topic or question has a networking colleague used at a holiday party to engage you and make themselves memorable?

Click here to send me your answers. 

Read all the comments and pick up a few great topics to use at your next holiday party.

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"People love to talk about themselves, and they love to talk about their hometown. Where are you originally from? How'd you like it there? What do you miss most? Least? What was fun to do there?"

—Greg J.

"One colleague asked me about the holiday traditions my family had growing up and which ones we've made a part of our own celebration.  Not only did we share childhood experiences, but we reflected on things that matter to us today."

—Jason F.

"I had a youth pastor that really knew how to engage a group.  He could even get shy teenagers talking when he asked them, "What is your most embarrassing moment?" or "What's the most embarrassing movie that made you cry?"  I don't know why, but deep-down, I think people are really looking to share these moments!"

—Jared R.

Listening: An Act of Love

Many people now pay a psychologist to fill the role a friend used to play.  We open one of the modules in our interpersonal skills course with this first line, and attendees around the room nod, as if struck for the first time with awareness.

Starbucks generates buzz because it creates community for those who gather there.  Recently, it "featured" a book called Listening Is an Act of Love, a collection of compelling excerpts from more than 10,000 interviews recorded and compiled by StoryCorps founder Dave Isay.  Each story—a single moment in time, either historical, emotional, or personal—grabs the essence of that person and reflects their human struggles with love, family, loyalty, or whatever.

StoryCorp's founder had a correct hunch: Many people feel invisible. They believe that what they think, feel, and say doesn't matter.  They fear they'll be forgotten once they leave planet earth—that their lives will not have mattered.  So all the producer had to do was to provide a facility, recording equipment, and a facilitator, and then wait for people to invite their family members and friends to sit down and talk.

The results:  Poignant stories for those willing to listen.

French philosopher Voltaire summed it up well:  "The shortest route to a man's heart is through the ear."

With Thanksgiving just past and Christmas, Hanukkah, and New Year's holidays around the corner, consider your listening-talking differential during social and family gatherings.  Which body part does most of the work when you're with friends and family:  ears or mouth?  Where's the love?

Lying by Not Telling All

Here is a smattering of yesterday’s headlines:  “Marie Osmond:  Faint or Fake?”   “Miss Puerto Rico:  Pepper-Sprayed or Publicity Stunt?”   Then there’s the ongoing Drew Peterson saga and attempted suicide of the brother:  Was it the blue-barrel episode that instigated guilt or some other death wish?  Intersperse those headlines with the daily litany of politicians spouting statistics about their congressional voting records, Iraqi war statistics, and dire warnings about economic doomsday.

In social settings, people often exaggerate to make a good strong point or a funny story. In business or politics, lying happens in numerous ways. True—but incomplete—statements can lead to false conclusions; literal truth, when offered without complete explanation, can lead to literal lies.

Doublespeak is that intentional gobbledygook meant to obscure rather than enlighten, convoluted details and irrelevant facts simmered together to make mush for the ear. We all know it when we hear it.

A financial consultant related this situation to me about her firm: “We have two boilerplate formats for our reports to clients. When we go into banks and find several ways we can help them, we use the first format. That report gives our findings and list of recommendations right up front. But if we go into banks and can’t find much wrong—we don’t have many recommendations for improvements and have charged them a big fee for the audit—then we use the second boilerplate. We begin the report with background on our company, the credentials of our auditors, the various audit procedures used, and then we finally get around to the findings and recommendations.” She ended with, “But I don’t think we fool anybody.”

She’s right.  Purposeful gobbledygook only brings into question one’s intentions.

Is it any wonder we’re such a skeptical population?

Is Your Thanksgiving Holiday Filled with Family and Fun—or Email?

Want to test yourself for email addiction?  See how many times you check your email during the Thanksgiving holiday—for business as well as personal.  Like Pavlov’s dogs, you may catch yourself clicking open an email every time you hear the “ding” of your email “in-box.”

That “ding” and the related chore devours about 2 hours of every professional’s work day, totaling 28 billion hours a year, at a cost of $650 billion, according to the New York-based Basex, Inc, a research firm.

In fact, Bill Hendrick, reporter for the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, did an excellent job of collecting such research and capturing the love-hate relationship white-collar workers express about their email and the associated productivity issues it raises.  He quoted me in the article about the biggest challenge most of us face:  “There’s always one more to delete, and we let e-email dictate our day.” Click here to read the full article.

Email started as an AID to communication—a way to help us get our job done faster.   Today, for many, it has become their work plan for the day.  They click, read, respond.  Then they schedule priority work in the available time remaining. Wrong move.  Unproductive day.

So come on, take the test this Thanksgiving:   Is email an aid or an addiction?

Maximize Their Motivation

I’m wrapping up my 30-tip series on “Opening Closed Minds,” a topic that was prompted by Tariq Zohair’s question, “How can we open closed minds—people who do not want to listen to any arguments or logic?” 

Lower others' guard with graciousness. 
Alcoholics Anonymous and hundreds of other self-help groups can verify this truth:  You cannot motivate people from the outside; their motivation has to be internal.  People are more motivated to believe you, help you, or at least get out of your way if they like you.  Avoid an adversarial relationship.  Be gracious.

Provide opportunity for a trial-run. 
Cereal companies don't make us spend $4.89 on a box of new flakes, nuts, and fruit.  Instead, they send us a bowl in the mail to taste before we have to plunk down our money.  Create ways for people to give your idea a low-risk trial before making an irreversible commitment of time, money, or reputation.  The lower the risk, the more likely they'll take a step in your direction.  Never be afraid of their asking, "What have I got to lose if I go along?"

Note the difference between selling an idea and motivating people to act. 
In "selling" something—an idea, a product, an action—the focus is on the seller's efforts and success.  What's in it for the other person.  In "motivating," the focus is on the other person's attitude and benefit:  What's in it for them.  The subtle difference implies different methods, language, timing, and attitude.

If you’ve missed any of tips 1-27, you can find them in our archived blogs, or if you have a question of your own, write me at askdianna@booher.com. Good luck with getting through to your own “tough crowd.”

Resist the Temptation to Push Back

“How can we open closed minds—people who do not want to listen to any arguments or logic?”  Today I’m sharing Tip #27 in this series—on how to get through to people who are difficult to reason with:

Opposition spawns opposition.  If you don't believe it, ask a partner to stand face to face with you and align yourselves open palm to open palm.  Push gently. You'll notice how the partner pushes back.  Push harder.  You'll notice the partner increase pressure as you do.

The same principle is at work in persuasion.  The harder you push, the harder someone pushes back.  So, to neutralize an emotional exchange, as soon as you feel the other side become agitated, let up the pressure.  You can even come around to the other side of the table.  "Okay, let me stop here and summarize where we are.  If I understand you clearly, you think the decision is a bad one for three reasons.  First, the X won't work. . . ."  Once you stand on the other person's side of the table and take up his or her side, that person becomes neutral again.  The pushing stops.  You may even want to ask the other side to summarize your key points "for clarity’s sake."

The idea is to neutralize the emotional conflict long enough for logic to take its course—should logic be on your side.