Communicate With Confidence!®: Booher Banter

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The Power of Summary

Summarize Seriously. Doesn’t quite have the ring of the romantic movie Love Actually, does it? But that shouldn’t tempt you to trivialize the issue that surfaced yesterday in a roomful of investors willing to plunk down anywhere from $5-100 million on some entrepreneurial business that interested them.

“Remember the 10-minute time limit for each presenting company,” the moderator of the event explained to the group of 22 hopeful CEOs prepared to win his or her share of the available funds. "We’ve hosted this event for several years. And the feedback from these investors seated around you is that they make up their minds in the first 3-4 minutes whether they’re interested or not. So the ten minutes we’ve allotted to tell your story is quite adequate.”

He paused to let the point sink in. There as a corporate advisor to my client, I nodded my “I told you so” to the team. Roger that. They were locked and loaded, ready for launch.

Evidently, many others were not.

Executive after executive of these small businesses stepped to the microphone and stumbled and stuttered their way through 4-6 minutes of their allotted ten before being able to clearly state what it is their company does. Many tried to start with how they got into the business. Some started by introducing their management team (important, of course, for a group of investors—but not for 3 minutes!). Some rambled on about how they came up with their logo, packaging design, recipe, or facilities. Several talked about differentiation. A few talked about how they’d tested their product—clinical data and analysis.

Only a handful—make that a newborn’s fist—summarized upfront ALL the key elements about their business that a group of investors would want to know.

Yet, I bet if you asked any one of these busy executives back on the job how important the ability to summarize is, they’d launch into a sermon about some pet peeve such as these:

long disorganized voice mails their employees or prospects leave for them

meetings where someone can’t articulate a clear idea succinctly

emails that include far too much detail

reports that read like a novel rather than a status/project update

So to develop the ability to summarize massive amounts of information well, seek out some good models. For starters, I suggest The Wall Street Journal’s “What’s News?” column.

(Readers, if you have other suggestions for great summarizers out there, please feel free to share them here.)

Communication: Intentional Improvement?

Have you ever lain awake at night—almost all night—and replayed a conversation in your head over and over and over and over? For a long while, I thought I was the only one who did that. Then I heard other women admit they did it, too. Then yesterday I heard a male doctor friend of mine admit the habit to a group of colleagues.

You hear the entire exchange in instant replay—but not exactly. Your part of the dialogue changes.  You redraft your responses. They get better, wiser, funnier, more cavalier, spontaneous, more patient, firmer, less aggressive, more resigned. Finally, they’re tuned to perfection. Then you ache for the opportunity to redo the dialogue in real life.

Most of the time that second chance never comes around—at least, not in exactly the same circumstance with the same person. But that doesn’t mean the all-nighter wasn’t worth the thought. Why?

The basic business act of 2008 is communicating. Search on the single word communication and Google will turn up 320,000,000 results. In the workplace alone, your success at almost any endeavor correlates to your ability to communicate well, so you—and I—need all the practice we can get.

In leafing through the March issue of Communication Briefings: Ideas That Work, a publication devoted to workplace communication, for example, we learn to

survive a “pile it on” boss and leave the office with a focused list of priorities

improve relationships while negotiating

give “full-circle” feedback

deliver more persuasive presentations

show more empathetic responses as we listen

avoid bull-dozer tendencies when leading

end a customer or client conversation

lead a team to listen to each other more effectively

keep better meeting notes

create more engaging copy for a website

make better use of time on the phone

neutralize win-lose discussions without breaking relationships

criticize to some effect

persuade others to change their behavior

polish a professional image

receive honest feedback

introduce change and make it palatable

deliver bad news with hope that bolsters morale

Communication—all of it. Unless you climb poles to repair power lines or toss pizza all day, it’s difficult to think of doing many jobs that don’t require core communication skills. Communicate well and you can master a job, influence a team, persuade a boss, win a client, build a business, create wealth, serve humankind, and move from success to significance.

Communicate poorly and your life fills with stress and unresolved problems just as surely as if you tried to patch a flat tire with bubble gum.

Make improvement intentional. With every conversation, every meeting, every presentation, analyze and evaluate: Ask yourself: What went wrong? What went well? Why? What could or should I have said differently? What is the communication lesson learned?

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The Power of Self-Effacing Comments in a Self-Promotion Culture

Those of you who read my blog regularly know that I try to stay clear of politics in these posts—except as candidates or issues themselves illustrate communication issues. Here’s one of a handful posted in the last year that meet that criteria—above the fray, illustrative, inspiring.

While watching an interview with presidential candidate John McCain last week, I was struck with the power of self-effacing comments to 1) make someone likeable 2) stem the tide of opposition 3) have “underdog” appeal and 4) engender trust in someone’s integrity.

The talk-show host commented to Senator McCain, “In the Vietnam war, you were a real hero. I didn’t learn until recently that the VietCong offered to release you to come home because you were the son of the Admiral but that you refused because your comrades wouldn’t be released as well. Is that true?”

McCain brushed aside the comment, obviously meant as a compliment to his character, with a nod and a little humor. “Unfortunately, I didn’t know the war would last a few more years at that point.”

Later the interviewer commented on his physical pain in having both his arms broken and the lack of medical attention for his other injuries, saying he himself [the interviewer] could not have endured such suffering. McCain’s response: “Sure you could. Anybody would do the same thing in the same situation. You love America. Many have given sacrifices far greater than I.”

When asked about the little known fact of his two sons serving in Iraq and his sacrifice and commitment to America as a parent, McCain responded, “I’d prefer not to discuss my sons and have always tried to leave my sons out of it.”

When baited with the subject of Pastor Jeremiah Wright’s comments and the link to Barack Obama, the interviewer gave him every opening to cast doubt on the character, values, and judgment of his opponent in the presidential race and tout his own better judgment. Instead, McCain replied, “You can’t blame others for comments made by supporters who endorse them. Just because they agree with you doesn’t mean you agree with them. I know Obama personally and believe he’s a loyal American.”

Politics is not the only playground for promotion. Everyday we encounter websites, radio and TV ads, résumés, sales pitches, and project plans that scream…

....the leading provider of X....

....the world’s number one Y....

....the only one on the market that....

....the first and only....

....has given more to charity than....

....one of the world’s foremost authorities....

....the city’s most prominent philanthropist....

In a world where everyone is blowing their own horn, it’s occasionally refreshing to hear modesty about accomplishments, sacrifice, charity, and even goodwill for opponents. Am I alone out there in thinking the world could use a little more humility?

Brilliant Banter—The Value of Talking It Through

Our latest Get Your Book Published event January 10-12, 2008, wrapped up this past weekend.  Authors left here with exciting projects ready to add to their already distinguished product and service lines.  Independent consultants, employees of large organizations, novelists—they all understood the value of writing a quality book quickly and that the burden of marketing primarily falls to them as authors, not their publishers.

But the most amazing thing was NOT the gem of the book ideas presented—although there were many.  It was not the book titles created—although titles flowed readily.   It was not the clever marketing plans developed—and some were spectacular.   It was not spin-off products developed from the book ideas—although they popped like corn.

Decidedly, the real rush for all of us gathered in the room became the growing excitement in brainstorming ideas with brilliant colleagues committed to helping each other think through ideas until they became crystal clear and ripe for the writing.  The energy became thick enough to slice.  At five in the afternoon, the group felt as charged up as if they’d just arrived at 8:00 a.m.  Passionate people get pumped about communicating ideas clearly and compellingly.

Thus, the value of talk.  Talk too much and you talk your book (or any idea) away.  You spend all your energy on the talk, and have none left for the project or the book.  But focused talked with a skilled facilitator and brilliant colleagues committed to your goal can crystallize thinking on your core message, plan, or goals.

That’s what happened this weekend at our Get Your Book Published event.  And that’s why I’m dog tired today—and why I totally love my job.   

(If you have a book you’re itching to write, call for information on our fall event: 1.800.342-6621.)

Resolutions Galore—But Where Are the Resources?

For the next month, you’re going to be inundated with TV segments, magazine articles, ezines, and blogs telling you how to “Become A New You,”  “How to Be the Best You,” or “Make This Year Your Best Ever."   It’s not that most of us don’t want or need a fresh new start each year—even an extreme makeover occasionally.  It’s just that once we get past the resolutions, we often find ourselves short on resources and time.

So I thought I’d pass along three publications particularly useful as you tackle your 2008 personal growth goals.

Executive Excellence Publishing provides some of the best resources for business and thought leaders today.  Editor-in-Chief, Ken Shelton, publishes Leadership Excellence, Personal Excellence, and Sales & Service Excellence.  Preview the magazines at www.LeaderExcel.com.  Each month these print and online publications are chockfull of informative, practical, and inspirational articles that cover the gambit of topics in leadership and sales/customer service.

Topics in Personal Excellence spill over into an ever wider arena—everything from health and fitness to mediating conflict to parenting to wealth building to leaving a lasting legacy.

Contributing authors in all three magazines are among the top thinkers and leaders in personal development today. 

Each year the magazines publish “Top 100” lists based on eight criteria:  preparation, character, personality, performance, experience, expression, and influence.   Take a look at the complete “2007 Best in Leadership Development” list, and you’ll certainly see the gurus you’d expect to find there—plus maybe a name or two who are less familiar and with whom you’d like to become acquainted in 2008 through their books, TV programs, websites, or conference speeches.

A handful of those named to each list contribute articles on a regular basis to these three publications.  From time to time, I’m honored to have my articles appear there as well.  The staff at Executive Excellence puts out excellent publications. 

In fact, these may be just the resources you need to help keep you on target with your New Year’s resolutions.

The Need for Feedback

There's one quick lesson we can all learn from the politicians promising us the moon every night from our TV screens:  their constant diet of feedback.  How would you like to end every speech and every day with a team full of colleagues and handlers telling you what you did wrong that day, what the people in Des Moines didn't like, what the fall-out will be if you say or do X tomorrow, to whom you should apologize about what?

Doesn't sound like fun?  Well, hold on a moment.  Maybe they're on to something with their pollsters and pundits gathered around the podium every evening.

As a busy professional constantly balancing schedules, deadlines, and priorities, you might be overlooking an often-neglected resource in your own workplace that could make the difference between success and failure.

The resource is feedback—and it's a business tool worth its weight in gold if mined consistently and effectively.  Those who want to stay ahead in this ever-changing information age not only see constant and comprehensive feedback as a luxury but a necessity.

Take the initiative.
Most people mistakenly assume that feedback will automatically appear on their desk, in their e-mail, or in person.  While they sit on their hands waiting and wondering, more insightful and opportunistic professionals know that most feedback has to be extracted, digested, and analyzed.

Don’t leave the responsibility to others.  This is your job, so take the initiative.

Ask the Right People the Right Questions.
Many times it’s not that we don’t ask for feedback, it’s that we ask the wrong person or the wrong question—and we end up with gossip or guesswork.

We ask associates for information only supervisors would know, clients about things only associates would know, and supervisors for data only clients would know.  To get the right response, you have to ask the right person.

The more focused your requests, the more precise and comprehensive responses will be.

As with Medicine, Apply Liberally to the Affected Area.
After you solicit and understand specific feedback, evaluate it in light of your personal goals and methods.

Is it an accurate assessment or a subjective opinion?  Is the person in a position to know what he or she is talking about?  Is a change in your style or method worth the effort?  Will this change contribute to your long-term personal or professional growth?

Granted, not all feedback is created equal.  But don’t just stand there, do something.  Evaluate.  Reconsider.  Modify.  Reaffirm.  But do something!  Don't leave all the promises and payoff to the winning politician.

Lighten Your Load with a Pleasant “No” During the Holidays

During the holidays, many of us walk a very thin line between busy and overcommitted.  Holidays or not, at times, we all have to say “no.”  Saying “no” doesn't have to be an arduous, unpleasant ordeal; it can be a direct statement of your thoughts and desires, delivered honestly and professionally.

Be firm, fair, and nonjudgmental.
There should be no doubt that your “no” means “no.”  Not “maybe.”   Not “I’m not sure.”  But “no.”
You don’t have to give lengthy explanations or excuses for your answer.   People have the right to ask for your help, and you have the right to say “no.”

Let the facts speak for themselves. 
Show rather than tell.  When delivering a “no,” reinforce your decision with the numbers and results in black and white.  There is a reason for your response, right?  Support what you say with specifics if you're so inclined.

Offer alternatives and exceptions for which you’d change your mind. 
If you can’t help the other person, suggest alternatives.  Consider the results the requester is seeking and think of other ways to meet those needs or criteria.  What you’re saying is that at this time and under these circumstances, you’re saying “no,” but at another time and under different circumstances, you might say “yes.”

Before you say "yes," identify why.
Rather than overload yourself with low-priority commitments, consider your goals.  Ask if this particular cause, task, or event fits those goals.  Why is this person asking you to volunteer—because only you have the necessary skills?  Or, because you're the only person who would say yes?  Think of your "no" response as a "yes" response to spend your time elsewhere.

The holidays don't have to be harried—unless you let others dictate your hours.  Communicate what's on your mind in a pleasant but firm tone so you can say yes to the most important people, places, and priorities.

Lying by Not Telling All

Here is a smattering of yesterday’s headlines:  “Marie Osmond:  Faint or Fake?”   “Miss Puerto Rico:  Pepper-Sprayed or Publicity Stunt?”   Then there’s the ongoing Drew Peterson saga and attempted suicide of the brother:  Was it the blue-barrel episode that instigated guilt or some other death wish?  Intersperse those headlines with the daily litany of politicians spouting statistics about their congressional voting records, Iraqi war statistics, and dire warnings about economic doomsday.

In social settings, people often exaggerate to make a good strong point or a funny story. In business or politics, lying happens in numerous ways. True—but incomplete—statements can lead to false conclusions; literal truth, when offered without complete explanation, can lead to literal lies.

Doublespeak is that intentional gobbledygook meant to obscure rather than enlighten, convoluted details and irrelevant facts simmered together to make mush for the ear. We all know it when we hear it.

A financial consultant related this situation to me about her firm: “We have two boilerplate formats for our reports to clients. When we go into banks and find several ways we can help them, we use the first format. That report gives our findings and list of recommendations right up front. But if we go into banks and can’t find much wrong—we don’t have many recommendations for improvements and have charged them a big fee for the audit—then we use the second boilerplate. We begin the report with background on our company, the credentials of our auditors, the various audit procedures used, and then we finally get around to the findings and recommendations.” She ended with, “But I don’t think we fool anybody.”

She’s right.  Purposeful gobbledygook only brings into question one’s intentions.

Is it any wonder we’re such a skeptical population?

Is Your Thanksgiving Holiday Filled with Family and Fun—or Email?

Want to test yourself for email addiction?  See how many times you check your email during the Thanksgiving holiday—for business as well as personal.  Like Pavlov’s dogs, you may catch yourself clicking open an email every time you hear the “ding” of your email “in-box.”

That “ding” and the related chore devours about 2 hours of every professional’s work day, totaling 28 billion hours a year, at a cost of $650 billion, according to the New York-based Basex, Inc, a research firm.

In fact, Bill Hendrick, reporter for the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, did an excellent job of collecting such research and capturing the love-hate relationship white-collar workers express about their email and the associated productivity issues it raises.  He quoted me in the article about the biggest challenge most of us face:  “There’s always one more to delete, and we let e-email dictate our day.” Click here to read the full article.

Email started as an AID to communication—a way to help us get our job done faster.   Today, for many, it has become their work plan for the day.  They click, read, respond.  Then they schedule priority work in the available time remaining. Wrong move.  Unproductive day.

So come on, take the test this Thanksgiving:   Is email an aid or an addiction?