Communicate With Confidence!®: Booher Banter

Communication: Intentional Improvement?

Have you ever lain awake at night—almost all night—and replayed a conversation in your head over and over and over and over? For a long while, I thought I was the only one who did that. Then I heard other women admit they did it, too. Then yesterday I heard a male doctor friend of mine admit the habit to a group of colleagues.

You hear the entire exchange in instant replay—but not exactly. Your part of the dialogue changes.  You redraft your responses. They get better, wiser, funnier, more cavalier, spontaneous, more patient, firmer, less aggressive, more resigned. Finally, they’re tuned to perfection. Then you ache for the opportunity to redo the dialogue in real life.

Most of the time that second chance never comes around—at least, not in exactly the same circumstance with the same person. But that doesn’t mean the all-nighter wasn’t worth the thought. Why?

The basic business act of 2008 is communicating. Search on the single word communication and Google will turn up 320,000,000 results. In the workplace alone, your success at almost any endeavor correlates to your ability to communicate well, so you—and I—need all the practice we can get.

In leafing through the March issue of Communication Briefings: Ideas That Work, a publication devoted to workplace communication, for example, we learn to

survive a “pile it on” boss and leave the office with a focused list of priorities

improve relationships while negotiating

give “full-circle” feedback

deliver more persuasive presentations

show more empathetic responses as we listen

avoid bull-dozer tendencies when leading

end a customer or client conversation

lead a team to listen to each other more effectively

keep better meeting notes

create more engaging copy for a website

make better use of time on the phone

neutralize win-lose discussions without breaking relationships

criticize to some effect

persuade others to change their behavior

polish a professional image

receive honest feedback

introduce change and make it palatable

deliver bad news with hope that bolsters morale

Communication—all of it. Unless you climb poles to repair power lines or toss pizza all day, it’s difficult to think of doing many jobs that don’t require core communication skills. Communicate well and you can master a job, influence a team, persuade a boss, win a client, build a business, create wealth, serve humankind, and move from success to significance.

Communicate poorly and your life fills with stress and unresolved problems just as surely as if you tried to patch a flat tire with bubble gum.

Make improvement intentional. With every conversation, every meeting, every presentation, analyze and evaluate: Ask yourself: What went wrong? What went well? Why? What could or should I have said differently? What is the communication lesson learned?

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Brilliant Banter—The Value of Talking It Through

Our latest Get Your Book Published event January 10-12, 2008, wrapped up this past weekend.  Authors left here with exciting projects ready to add to their already distinguished product and service lines.  Independent consultants, employees of large organizations, novelists—they all understood the value of writing a quality book quickly and that the burden of marketing primarily falls to them as authors, not their publishers.

But the most amazing thing was NOT the gem of the book ideas presented—although there were many.  It was not the book titles created—although titles flowed readily.   It was not the clever marketing plans developed—and some were spectacular.   It was not spin-off products developed from the book ideas—although they popped like corn.

Decidedly, the real rush for all of us gathered in the room became the growing excitement in brainstorming ideas with brilliant colleagues committed to helping each other think through ideas until they became crystal clear and ripe for the writing.  The energy became thick enough to slice.  At five in the afternoon, the group felt as charged up as if they’d just arrived at 8:00 a.m.  Passionate people get pumped about communicating ideas clearly and compellingly.

Thus, the value of talk.  Talk too much and you talk your book (or any idea) away.  You spend all your energy on the talk, and have none left for the project or the book.  But focused talked with a skilled facilitator and brilliant colleagues committed to your goal can crystallize thinking on your core message, plan, or goals.

That’s what happened this weekend at our Get Your Book Published event.  And that’s why I’m dog tired today—and why I totally love my job.   

(If you have a book you’re itching to write, call for information on our fall event: 1.800.342-6621.)

Is Your Thanksgiving Holiday Filled with Family and Fun—or Email?

Want to test yourself for email addiction?  See how many times you check your email during the Thanksgiving holiday—for business as well as personal.  Like Pavlov’s dogs, you may catch yourself clicking open an email every time you hear the “ding” of your email “in-box.”

That “ding” and the related chore devours about 2 hours of every professional’s work day, totaling 28 billion hours a year, at a cost of $650 billion, according to the New York-based Basex, Inc, a research firm.

In fact, Bill Hendrick, reporter for the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, did an excellent job of collecting such research and capturing the love-hate relationship white-collar workers express about their email and the associated productivity issues it raises.  He quoted me in the article about the biggest challenge most of us face:  “There’s always one more to delete, and we let e-email dictate our day.” Click here to read the full article.

Email started as an AID to communication—a way to help us get our job done faster.   Today, for many, it has become their work plan for the day.  They click, read, respond.  Then they schedule priority work in the available time remaining. Wrong move.  Unproductive day.

So come on, take the test this Thanksgiving:   Is email an aid or an addiction?

Communicating Well: Your Golden Opportunity

I spoke with Dan Kennedy for the Insights column of NetSpeed Fast Tracks (www.netspeedfasttracks.com), and focused on communication tactics for day-to-day workplace and leadership success.

We covered topics such as the power of complete information, unspoken conflict, and personal presence.

You can listen to the entire interview—less than 10 minutes—or listen segment-by-segment, by clicking the link below.

Click here to listen.

Is "Over 40" Equivalent to "Over the Hill" in the Digital Age?

This article grabbed my interest ("Former DMN employees sue paper, parent company", Dallas Business Journal, Jaime S. Jordan, Web Editor, October 25). Eighteen former Dallas Morning News employees are suing the paper and its parent company, Belo, alleging they were terminated because of their age—all of them were over 40.

The employees were told their positions were being eliminated, but later they learned those same positions were filled with younger workers. A Belo spokesman said, "We're aware of the complaint and we believe the complaint is without merit and intend to defend against it vigorously."

Supposedly, many of The News employees over 40 were labeled as unable to adapt to new technology or assume multiple job responsibilities, difficult to work with, and unlikely to accept changes as the paper attempts to morph into a self-proclaimed "Newspaper of the Future."

OK, "over 40 crowd"—give me the straight story. Are there older workers in your office that don't know the difference between a strawberry and a Blackberry™? Is "podcasting" a fishing technique? Perhaps an MP3 is thought to be a rank within the Military Police, and a "blog" is something to burn to keep warm (put another blog on the fire)? Do some need to be reminded that Nokia isn't Spanish for "I don't have a key." Are there still those who go to your voice mail and hang up without speaking because they "can't stand talkin' to them darn machines"? As for Internet terms like Skype, Technorati, HTML, Java Applet, T1 lines, bandwidth, cookies, Ethernet, gigabyte, Linux, ping, proxy server, SEO...I won't even go there—we don't have time.

Shifting into the digital age requires an adjustment period for EVERYONE, but especially for older workers accustomed to doing things "the traditional way." But is their attachment to old habits grounds for termination, or could those employees be won over by excellent corporate communication and a quality training program? I suggest the latter.

As a person slightly over 40 myself (don't ask), I have a learning curve to comprehend all the business and communication opportunities that computers and the Internet provide. And I've actually come to enjoy the new tools, as would many "mature" workers, if given the chance and the incentive to supplement their existing skills. Over-40 workers are our veterans, with some mileage and a fair amount of wisdom garnered along the way...don't toss them aside because the Training Department is unable or unwilling to capture their imagination with the opportunity to explore new frontiers.

What's been your work experience with the older—or younger—generation?